Last night we had the first of our Girl's Night Out meetings each month. Our topic was godly communication. As I am reading at work, no I don't have anything else to be doing. I found a whole chapter on communication in Josh Harris's Boy Meets Girl. I thought I would share his principles for authentic communication. I know these really hit the nail on the head for me.
- Communication problems are usually heart problems. If our words are selfish, sinful and uncaring that is because we are selfish, sinful and uncaring.
- Your ears are your most important communication tools. That is why we have two ears and one mouth. Listen twice as much as you talk. When you ask a question absorb the answer.
- Good communication does not happen by accident, just like we were talking about last night. Meditate on things and conversations will flow more naturally.
- The absence of conflict does not equal good communication.
- Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly without attacking or accusing the other person.
- Choose words, expressions and a tone that are kind and gentle.
- Don't exaggerate, distort or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme words such as always or never.
- Give actual and specific examples. Make notes if necessary before communicating.
- Commit yourself to seeking solutions and not just airing your grievances.
- Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling and needing. Try to detect their underlying concerns.
- Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal, or argument. Those emotions are normal but indulging them is sin.
- Don't hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person.
- Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling.
- Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reasons.
5. Motive is more important than technique. We need to want to be loving and serve others.
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